Friday, July 27, 2012

A Gift to Romney

That idiot still thinks it's wise to not use the teleprompter.  Please let this be true.  After two weeks of "You didn't build that" and "It works"....

One can only imagine what that decision process looked like:

VALERIE JARRETT: Ok people we need to tell him.  YOU IN THE RED SHIRT...what's your name?  I don't care.  Go advise the President we feel that he should stay on teleprompter for the good of the campaign.

/Visibly nervous Advisor 1 approaches the President.

ADVISOR 1: Mr. President we think you should go back to using the teleprompter.

NAPOLEON: But I like connecting with people.  When I walk around it makes me seem more personable. Everyone is looking at me and smiling.  Nobody else talks but me.  And are you doubting my oratory ability?  Why, I can communicate with anything.  Watch this:

/gives 15 minute speech on the meaning of the word "that" to pigeon

/pigeon dies

NAPOLEON: And that's why we need to raise taxes on the top 1% of birds.  The lower classes of bird can't afford proper health care leading to massive deficits that I inherited through a bad luck Japanese tsunami thingamajig.  It's not fair.  Look at those Eagles.  They fly so high on wings other people built for them.  Where was I?

ADVISOR 1: The teleprompter, Sir.  The point is...

NAPOLEON: THE POINT IS YOU ARE A RACIST THAT WANTS TO USURP THE MAGICAL STONE OF BA'AL I FOUND THAT MAKES ME ALWAYS RIGHT AND CAUSES EZRA KLEIN TO SPEAK IN TONGUES.

/takes out kill list
/writes name down
/takes three steps back







/takes pebble out of pocket
/strokes lovingly

VALERIE JARRETT: You are the greatest orator of all time.  You do not need a teleprompter.

NAPOLEON: I am the greatest orator of all time.  I do not need a teleprompter.  DO YOU SEE I JUST CAME UP WITH THAT.

ADVISOR 2: Yes Sir.

VALERIE JARRETT: He is THE ONE...

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